Honeybee*Hill

I’ve still got half an hour left of Sunday — so this is my Sunday Stash post! I thought in the course of this post I’d also introduce you to some of my favorite flickr groups.

In case you have no idea what this Sunday Stash thing is about — it’s a group on flickr where members post a picture of a tiny bit of their craft stash every Sunday — and blog about it even. Of course it’s a great group to browse if you like drooling over pretty fabrics (like I do).

These pretty American Jane fat quarters I got in a swap on the Craft Room Destash group on flickr. This is a swap group where members post craft stuff they don’t want anymore or fabrics they have available for swapping. When you see someone else post something you want, you just ask them to look over your stash and see if there’s anything they’re interested in swapping for! It’s super fantastic. I’ve taken part in over half a dozen swaps with various members of this group and I’ve gotten some great fabrics I love in exchange for some great fabrics I probably wouldn’t have used otherwise. I’ve also traded craft books in this group. I have a whole set on flickr of craft things I’m willing to swap out — in hopes of getting new craft stuff of course

Most of my favorite flickr groups are swap groups, actually. I am doing THREE swaps in August. The first is for the A Little Fabric, A Little Chocolate group. You can see by the photos in the pool that this is a high quality swapping group. Every month we’re assigned partners and based on their flickr photos and a little survey, we put together swap packages for each other that consist of three fat quarters and some chocolate and extra goodies. This swap is always my favorite one. I was really sad when I didn’t sign up for July because I thought I’d be too busy with a newborn to do fabric shopping (I was right). It’s really great to get such a nice surprise in the mail and the fellow crafters I’ve met through the group have become great flickr friends of mine.

The second swap I’m doing in August is similar to the first. It’s for the Fat Quarter Swap with a Twist group. For this group we send themed monthly packages to our swap partners. The packages usually contain a few fat quarters, some kind of handmade item and extra goodies. The August theme is “shades of blue” and we’re required to send a blueberry recipe to our partners (along with the fabric and handmade stuff). I’ve done this swap for awhile now and I highly recommend it. I find the themes can be harder to work with, but I do enjoy the challenge of putting together a nice swap package.

The third swap I’m doing is for a new group I’ve just joined. The Amigurumi group on flickr is absolutely full of stunning inspiration — and since I’ve become mildly obsessed with crochet lately, I spend a lot of time looking at this pool. It’s a good way to find designers and bookmark etsy favorites and I’ve found some nice patterns — both free and for sale. I think that Amigurumi appeals to me more than making softie toys with fabric right now because I love making toys for Sullivan and it’s a different kind of activity for my hands — and it feels good to take a break from the sewing machine. There is an August swap going on where secret partners send an Amigurumi and extra goodies to each other. This is an international swap too. Looking at some of the swap examples posted it should be a really awesome swap. I’m sort of intimidated, but I just purchased some patterns on etsy to try and I’ve been practicing my tension and stitches by making toy eggs all week! I’ll review the swap better once I’ve actually taken part in it though!

I absolutely love swapping and I love swapping on flickr because it just seems more personal than swap-bot (in my experience). Of course, be safe and use common sense when giving out personal information on the internet!

I’ll post some of my other favorite flickr groups at a later time!

In the meanwhile, I’m doing fine and so is Freyja, Sullivan and Aaron. My mother-in-law is visiting this week, so we are busy busy! But I’m hoping to have some time to post some blogs and get caught up on comments. Four minutes till next week now! Happy Monday everyone!

This is a Japanese import linen by Kokka. Alice in Wonderland. I have a yard of this and I haven’t figured out what I’m going to do with it yet. Probably a bag of some sort. Maybe I’ll keep half of it and swap the rest

In other news, we took the kids (that’s so weird to say “the kids”) to Dayton yesterday for a field trip to one of the metro parks and to Young’s Dairy. Sullivan got to feed the goats and he pretty much thought it was the most awesome thing EVAR.

Still on the mend here. I’ve got a few precious days left before Aaron goes back to work, then his mom is coming out for a visit to lend a hand and then we’re traveling out east to my sis-in-law’s wedding! Crazy busy the next few weeks.

I have some new cloth menstrual pads in the etsy shop though. I’m still waiting on Freyja’s cloth diapers to arrive and I started drafting my own pattern for a new kind of diaper. I’ve got a small and regular size worked out. I need some covers to test them myself first, but maybe I’ll be introducing HBH cloth diapers soon! Having a wee baby in the house makes me mildly obsessed with baby things.

I don’t have any pretty pictures of her (seriously, she sleeps all day long!) but here’s a photo of my fam at the metropark that makes my heart melt because of the little arm sticking out:

Have a fun Monday!

So a week ago today Aaron and I sent Sullivan off to his favorite babysitter’s house and we went to the hospital and had a baby. Surreal!

I know some of you were wondering — and I honestly haven’t had the energy to reply to all the emails and comments on the blog and on flickr and twitter — the whole experience was really good actually. The c-section wasn’t at all bad. I’ll admit there were moments that I was really afraid; when they brought me into the OR by myself for the spinal anesthesia I was definitely overwhelmed by all the things in there — cutting things and pinching things and machines that go bing! Getting the spinal was probably the most painful part, but the doctor was very competent and reassuring. Because Aaron wasn’t allowed to be in there with me until right before they started, I was super nervous and my teeth were chattering, but the OB was very kind and tried to make me as comfortable as possible. When they finally let Aaron in the room and began, I felt at peace and totally calm. A few minutes later, Freyja was born! She weighed 9lbs 5oz and was 22.75″ long.

Our hospital stay was rather uneventful. I was bed-bound the first day/night. We finally named her some seven or eight hours after she was born. I told Aaron to pick her name since I picked Sullivan’s name. He suggested I pick the middle name and that it could be anything I wanted. So that’s how we came up with Freyja Haiku.

Sullivan came to visit her that afternoon. He was curious but not all that impressed. He’s figured out since that Freyja is here to stay. He’s been really good about it too. He gives her kisses and says “Frey is nice” or “Baby is nice” when we ask whether or not he likes her.

Freyja almost never cries. I could probably count on my hands the number of times she’s cried since I brought her home. She sleeps a lot — most of the day really. She wakes up when she’s hungry and she’s usually awake around seven in the morning. That’s fine with me — I like being awake at that time too.

After Sullivan was born I think Aaron and I spent most of the time with our noses behind a camera — determined to record every precious moment. As new parents we were totally shell-shocked too — frantically running around and completely at the mercy of all of his whims. He was kind of a whiny baby. It actually hasn’t been that way at all this time. I think we’re both just soaking it all up and relaxing this time. I have shamefully few photos of her since we’ve come home (how many pictures of a sleeping baby do you really need?) and she’s just been a breeze to take care of.

I’m recovering really well. I was surprised by how quickly I was able to get out of bed and start moving around after major abdominal surgery. I’ve had moments of very sore-ness (like today, when I think I overworked myself a bit in the garden), but overall I feel really good. I even got out and drove around town for a hot minute yesterday. Aside from the wee bit of gardening, I’ve been reading mostly. And ironing and organizing my fabric. I’m almost ready to get back to work. Not quite yet, but almost!

I’m not sure what my favorite moment of the past week has been. I don’t think I have a favorite yet, but waking up each morning with all my babies and my husband has been really satisfying. I’m really happy. Really!

Freyja Haiku Hill was born on July 8, 2009. Freyja was 100% perfect and I’m on the mend now too. We’re all back home now and I’m very sore and very tired and very happy! Everything went wonderfully well and I’ll be writing a full post later — when I’m feeling up to it!

I appreciate all the love, support, comments, emails, postcards and packages! Thanks so much

I’m still pregnant. Let’s just get that out of the way to begin with!

Tomorrow morning I’m going to the hospital to have a c-section. I decided to write about this because of all the mixed feelings I’m having — and because I know that there are probably other women out there who have had similar mixed feelings when faced with similar situations.

We spent most of yesterday afternoon at the hospital filling out paperwork and talking to a bunch of different people — just getting things ready. We had a nice long visit with the OB who will be delivering our daughter — and he seems very competent, patient and kind. I have today to get everything ready and then tomorrow — that’s when it will happen. So weird.

With Sullivan, it was different. I was hellbent on this idea of a “natural birth”. I bought and read every book on the subject I could find. I found a hospital with a natural birth center attached. I found nurse-midwives who could deliver us there. Had a doula even. The whole nine yards — well you can imagine — as big of tree-hugger as I am, I went all out. I was totally 100% determined that Sullivan’s birth was going to be this amazing empowering example of feminine strength and endurance or something. I think I actually believed that his birth was somehow going to prove my womanhood — like this was a test to see if I were fit to be a mother.

So in true Melissa-fashion, everything went horribly wrong. On the morning we showed up at the birth center, I learned that the midwife was only going to be there for a few hours — then it was their partner OB’s turn — a man who I had only met once in their office. I had never even considered that she wouldn’t be on hand when I delivered my baby and immediately felt betrayed. Then, as the morning progressed, the nurses at the birth center became more and more impatient with me, coming in every half hour or so to check on my progress, check my cervix, shake their heads, roll their eyes and threaten to send me to Labor & Delivery.

When the doctor took over, he told me that if I didn’t make progress, the whole thing would eventually end in a c-section. I cried and he convinced me that it would be best if they broke my water. I agreed and my son dropped finally — posterior through. We were eventually transferred to Labor & Delivery ward, where I was given a pitocin drip, an antibiotic IV, an epidural, and internal fetal monitor. My son was born about 14 hours later (after about 50 hours total labor), and after four hours of numb pushing and a nasty episiotomy, via forceps.

The doctor who delivered him was not patient or kind. He made snide remarks that humiliated me. I was completely devastated — both physically and emotionally for weeks. I had nightmares for months afterward and the physical effects lingered on and on (still). It’s hard for me to talk about what happened — and in the last few weeks, I have noticed my fears resurfacing. It’s all going to happen again — especially after my due date passed and I could tell that this baby was going to be as big as Sullivan was.

I changed my mind on a lot of things after Sullivan was born. Well of course, duh, being a parent changes you totally. A lot of things that I felt more absolute on when I was just a carefree rock’n'roller seemed more gray suddenly. And still, in the back of my mind, his birth — this event I think of as some kind of failure — haunted me. It was actually a consideration when Aaron and I talked about about having more children. Would I want to go through this again? Of course, Sullivan is awesome and for him I’d live through a hundred times more pain, but again? For someone new that we hadn’t met?

Then we got pregnant and the question became moot. I was just going to have to suck it up, right?

Throughout this pregnancy, our new midwife and her partner OB has been really great and supportive. She’s been very honest with me about what would happen in labor — no matter what route I chose to go. In the end, we all decided that it was going to have to be an easy natural labor or a c-section. I do not believe it’s worth the trauma of putting my body through another long induction. For whatever reason, I’m one of those women who carry their babies a very very long time — who have ten pound babies — whose hip structure makes them want to lie posterior — etc., etc. The midwife and the doctor have no doubt that if I waited around long enough I would eventually go into labor. They don’t even doubt I could push out another ten pound baby — but is it worth the potential complications and aggravation to my already damaged body? We decided to wait till 41 weeks for something to happen on it’s own. Nothing is happening on it’s own, so we scheduled a c-section.

I feel scared. And relieved. And scared. And excited. And embarrassed even. I even have that little voice in the back of my head still — sneering at me saying, “I told you this would end in a c-section. You just can’t do it.” And I’m trying to counter that by imagining all my fears tethered to balloons that I let go of one by one. But of course, it seems like there’s an unending stream of balloons. I can’t dig down deep enough to root out. That fear is like that viney weed in my garden that keeps trying to strangle my tomatoes and coming back, no matter how often I’m out there pulling it and no matter how strong I pretend to be — it’s there.

After Sullivan was born I suffered a deep depression that I kept entirely to myself. I am like that though — superwoman on the outside, frightened little mouse on the inside. Aaron brought home the book Rebounding from Childbirth by Lynn Madsen and I read it and felt a little better. In the last chapter of the book, she talks about how fear is always there and it’s always a part of you — but you can create edges around it that make it smaller. She writes:

“When edges are put around the fear, a woman knows what sort of demon she is struggling with. She knows how much of the sky is actually filled with fear, how much of the room or the couch, or whatever size and shape the fear takes on… It is not the whole world. Look, the rest of the sky is blue, the rest of the room is safe and warm. The fear is there, safety is here. Edges have been created. When another look is taken at the fear, it becomes smaller, because more safety has been created by talking about it.”

That’s how I feel about the c-section. I’m afraid, but I feel like at last that fear has dimension. I’m terrified actually. But I know that there are parts of my life that aren’t terror-filled and that will not be terror-filled. And I also know that I have to talk about it — because no one talks about fear (who wants to do that?), but seeing it all typed out in front of me also gives it a shape I can see. And maybe someone else has seen the same dark shadows lurking around the edges of their lives too and begin to feel, as I do in my fleeting moments of clarity and strength, that collectively, our joys as mothers and women can and will outnumber our sorrows and regrets.

Well now it’s Sunday, July 5. And yes, I’m still pregnant. Let’s just get that one out of the way at the start. On Thursday I was up at the University and I saw Aaron’s boss. He said that if my belly were on TV, people would think it was one of those fake pregnancy bellies because it’s so big and round and out there. I told him that there’s a chance Aaron would be back at work on Monday (we got a long weekend because of the holiday). Argh. Well now I have no doubt he’ll be at work tomorrow. There’s absolutely nothing going on in my uterus. It’s like cricket sounds in there. Punchy hasn’t even dropped yet and is still kicking around in there like she just don’t care.

Of course in the meantime I’m swollen and miserable and (as Sullivan would say) BIG (but he would say it with both of his little arms thrown into the air).

And this was a holiday weekend. And I live in Indiana. And I can’t think of anything that Hoosier’s treasure more (other than basketball, of course) than fireworks. In the town I live in there are at least three or four firework stores. Like, big outlets devoted entirely to peddling small explosives that people set off in their backyard. We bought some on Friday from a family friend’s store — small things like bottle rockets and sparklers and a fountain. Sullivan loved it. He kept asking for more after each one would pop and he’d ooooh and aaaah. Last night the city’s official fireworks got rained out (it was really only drizzly), but Aaron and Sullivan walked to the nearby park to sit on top of the slides and watch everyone else in town set off fireworks — big ones that explode in the sky.

Since I can no longer sit close enough to my sewing machine desk to reach what I’m sewing, I spent the weekend learning how to crochet amigurumi. I’m mildly obsessed with kawaii cute (like, if I weren’t 28 and married and an old mom, I’d totally have a Hello Kitty bedspread or something) things, so this was a craft I naturally gravitated toward.

At first I wasn’t sure how the pattern I was following could possibly become a cute pink bunny. Cute pink brassiere, maybe, but eventually it did work! And it was surprisingly easy. I tried to make a toad yesterday but it turned out awful and I unraveled it. The one thing I can say about crochet — it’s a lot easier to rip out stitches than with sewing!

I joined Ravelry and am finding tons and tons of patterns I want to try out. I already broke the one rule I made for myself when I decided to learn crochet last week — that is, I bought three more balls of yarn (to make the amigurumi) and another crochet hook. This brings my total yarn stash to 7 balls of yarn (I used an entire pink one for the bunny) and two crochet hooks. Not bad. I can still restrain myself. I don’t know enough about yarn to spend lots of money on it anyway.

Here’s my Sunday Stash (since that’s what today’s post is supposed to be about):

It’s Anna Maria Horner’s Good Folks. I originally bought these with the intention of doing some kind of quilt, but I’m honestly not much of a quilting girl. Oh sure, I love the look and idea of making quilts, but frankly, I’d rather make clothes, hats and bags. I think these fabrics would be perfect for an awesome gift for a really good friend who has been so helpful during my pregnancy (and I don’t think she reads my blog — and if she does, well, she can just be excited and pretend not to know I’m going to make her an awesome gift). They’re all so beautiful — I just picked five of the dozen that I liked the best (and it’s really hard to choose). When I lose my baby bump, I’m going to get some yardage to make some dresses (for me, of course!). I actually sort of love all her fabric collections. She just might be my favorite designer.

Awesome husband who is awesome made four loaves of zucchini bread (I’m sure the recipe will land on his blog later, since he was really excited about this giant zucchini he found at the farmer’s market) and I’m drinking coffee and I have this distraction as well, trying to explain to me that the leggo configuration in his hands is a truck and truck is nice and mommy see? truck!

Since I’m going to start playing Sunday Stash, you get two blog posts in one day! You lucky readers you (all 10 of you!)!!

Robert Kaufman – Kitchy Kitchen and Tiny Tulips. I wish I had more tulips actually. These are destined to be pot holders in my kitchen. Or embellishments for tea towels. I haven’t decided.

I am still pregnant. Officially my due date is Thursday, but I’m so so so done with being pregnant. The above picture? See how huge I am? Yeah, it’s worse now (that was ten days ago!!). And I’m swollen. And I haven’t worn proper pants in a week and a half because they’re uncomfortable. And I can’t do any gardening because if I bend over or sit down on the ground I can’t get back up. So come hell or highwater, I will have a baby by next week… one way or another, she’s gonna come out.

Probably the worst part of waiting around is the waiting around part. I put my etsy shop on vacation because I was getting slower and slower with shipping things out — and I didn’t want to have outstanding orders on the off chance that I went into labor before they were finished up. Well I’ve been bored out of my skull ever since. I’ve only been able to do a little bit of crafting; a dress for the wee babe, baby shoes. I watched Aaron and Sullivan harvest our garlic, learned to crochet (and made my crochet tote bag from a vintage tea towel):

ate a lot of fig & goat cheese bruschetta (and I’m making more today):

dug into some vintage quilting blocks and made a wristlet (this morning):

and read three chapters of Don Quixote for a literature class I’m going to take starting July 6. And of course, I’ve made yoyos. Like a crazy yoyo ma…

I even turned 28. My wonderful husband came home from work early so I could take a nap! And he got me Japanese craft books, Hello Kitty fabric and a totally bootleg Hello Kitty tarot deck for my birthday.

So basically I’ve just been sitting around being frustrated because I’m not getting anything done! Most women want to hurry up and have their babies so they hold and goo and ga over them. Me? I just want her out so I can strap her to my back and get back to business as usual.

You know, whatever that means.

I absolutely did not get any sewing done this weekend. I’m pretty sure I slept most of the day Saturday, though I don’t remember it. I did a tiny bit of embroidery and made a ton of yoyos (of course, making fabric yoyos is apparently my new hobby). We did a bit of yard-work (read: I got Aaron to do yardwork). Other than that, nothing!

I even put Sullivan to work because I was too lazy to do much.

Yes, he’s in the front yard, watering plants without any pants on. I’m an awesome parent.

I’ve got three weeks of being pregnant left and I am so totally over it all. People keep asking me how I’m feeling and saying really obnoxious things like, “WOW are you having TWINS?!?!” and for the most part I’m pretty miserable and hateful and cranky. I’m in good health, but the baby is sitting on a vein that cuts off circulation when I lie down on my back (and then I pass out). I’m definitely moving slower and having some pretty painful Braxton Hicks contractions. I’m just hungry and tired and too tired to eat all the time, so hearing about how big my belly is from perfect strangers just gets annoying after awhile.

I started reading Twilight today. I know I’m waaay late on this (I’m pretty slow to catch on trends), but I have to admit, I’m more captivated than I hoped to be and the book totally sucked several hours of my day away today before I even realized it.

The only upside of the weekend — and the fact that we have a backyard full of incredibly invasive mint I planted to feed my julep addiction (I also enjoy a nice mojito now and then) before I got knocked up — was that we made these lemon mint granitas.

It’s pretty much as close to heaven as a miserably pregnant woman can get, midsummer in Indiana. The recipe is from smitten kitchen and it’s totally 100% worth trying. In fact, I melted the leftovers today and drank it like lemonade. And I can tell I’m going to be making minted lemonade for the next few weeks rather religiously.

The other good news is that I registered for classes for the fall and I’ll totally be able to graduate in the spring! Yay! A full ten years after I started college I’ll have that muchly coveted ENGLISH DEGREE! WOW! And then, with my English degree in hand, I’ll be totally unstoppable as a stay-at-home-mom-crafter-cloth-menstrual-pad-sewer… Okay. I’m done with the sarcasm.

Don’t tell any of my English profs that I’m totally enjoying Twilight though, okay?

In honor of Sew, Mama, Sew! Sewing Machine month, here is my sewing machine self-interview meme:

What brand and model do you have?

I have a Janome Sewist 625E.

How long have you had it?

I’m pretty sure I got it about a year and a half ago? Right around 18 months I think.

How much does that machine cost (approximately)?

I can’t remember exactly but I think I paid about $400 at the local dealer.

What types of things do you sew (i.e. quilting, clothing, handbags, home dec projects, etc.)?

Well I sew clothing, bags, home-dec projects and cloth menstrual pads, of course! I’m just starting to get into quilting a little bit, but I much prefer to sew small things and clothes.

How much do you sew? How much wear and tear does the machine get?

I probably use it every-other day. My serger actually gets more use — but that may change as I become more and more enamored with sewing hats and quilts!

Do you like/love/hate your machine? Are you ambivalent? Passionate? Does she have a name?

I suppose I think my machine does exactly what I need it to do. I’m not passionate about it, nor am I ambivalent.My machine is very sturdy and solid — which is why I bought it over some cheaper models with more fancy stitches! I love that it doesn’t wobble around when I’m sewing.

What features does your machine have that work well for you?

The features I most love are:

• ease of use (simplicity)
• up-down needle button
• drop-in bobbin
• adjustable foot pressure
• free arm
• one-step buttonhole
• automatic needle threader

If my needle threader broke or the up/down needle button stopped working, I’d have to get a new machine! That’s how much I love those features!

Is there anything that drives you nuts about your machine?

I honestly haven’t had any problems with this machine since I’ve had it! It has a nice hardcover case too and it’s small enough to fit in one of those rolling bags if I want to take it somewhere. The only thing that drives me nuts is getting to the dealer before she closes when I need to buy bobbins! I do kind of wish I could use generic bobbins, but only because I’m lazy.

Would you recommend the machine to others? Why?

I would definitely recommend my sewing machine to others. Especially new sewers. When I started sewing a few years back, I had a cheapo machine from a department store and within a few months I started to feel very frustrated with the quality of the machine and all the problems I had with it. If sewing is going to be a serious hobby, a good entry level machine is important — otherwise you’ll end up just hating your machine as soon as you realize all it’s limitations. I think that the Janome Sewist 625E has just enough features for basic garment/home dec/quilting projects that anyone could use it with satisfactory results. There aren’t a lot of bells and whistles on this machine, but like I said, it’s sturdy, solid and super easy to use! (I totally sound like a commercial)!

What factors do you think are important to consider when looking for a new machine?

Knowing what you want to do is important. When I started sewing I had no idea what kinds of things I wanted to make — so having an all-purpose machine was important. I also think it’s pretty impossible to buy a sewing machine blind off the internet. If you’re going to invest the kind of money in a hobby that can be as expensive as sewing, it’s important to form a good relationship with a dealer that can help you when you have problems. I think it’s handy to go to a dealer that can do small repairs on-site too.

There is a Janome dealer and a Husqvarna/Viking dealer in the town I live in. I happened to get a Janome machine because on the day I went looking, I got better customer service from the Janome dealer — but I’ve since formed a great relationship with the Husqvarna/Viking shop too — and that’s where I ended up buying my serger. If I were going to upgrade my machine, I’m honestly not sure who I’d go through! I bought a Janome Serger to start out with too and it was sort of crappy compared to my new Huskylock. I’m not sure how the higher-end machines stack up. I just took a beginners quilt class at the Husqvarna/Viking shop and I go in there more often because they have better fabric. It would be a tough choice because I do love my Janome sewing machine.

Do you have a dream machine?

I don’t know if I have a dream machine. I did some sewing on the computerized Husqvarna quilting machines at the class on Saturday and I liked the thread intake thing and the bobbin winder a lot. I think it would be nice to have some more stitches (my machine has 24) — but I have no idea what I’d use them for! If I got a new machine I’d want it to be sturdy and hard-working and I would need it to specialize in garment construction or quilting. I’m not big into embroidery, so nothing like those crazy embroidery machines.

Maybe one of those adorable vintage/retro machines would be nice. Or a Hello Kitty sewing machine. Yeah. I’d like that!